May 1, 2006 - Breaking the Ice at Your Wedding Reception
Ever go to a family function that didn't function? I'm not talking about a total meltdown, arguments, and all that. What I'm talking about is this - and pay attention because it happens at weddings with some regularity - two families go to a party for someone they have in common and hardly interact with each other at all.
In this example, two different sides of a family come together for some gathering - let's say, a wedding. At first, everyone does some catching up with people they already know. That's normal. It's easiest, it's polite, and it's to be expected. But at some point, during the reception for example, it becomes apparent that the sides are split in two.
One set of family and friends is on one side of the room and vice versa. Both are enjoying themselves but there's a barrier that needs to be broken. If it is not, both sides start making assumptions about the other that may or may not be positive.
You've seen it and you know exactly what I mean. Then it gets harder to break the ice.
Once this happens, any truly friendly person that would otherwise try to mingle with the other side feels that much more pressure to not do so. Now this simple discomfort with meeting new people that affects all of us turns into a barrier that casts a shadow over future family events.
So here's a quick tip. First, it's okay that everyone starts out talking to people they know. Give them time to do that, but not too much time. Then, make sure there are some ways for people to interact with the other side.
For example, with the wedding cameras on your reception tables, leave a note. Ask via your note that the people sitting at the tables take a group picture of another set of guests at the reception for your wedding photo album or scrapbook.
Make sure the people you send them to find are from the "other side" so you get as many people moving around as possible. They'll do it - because it's for you. And they'll have a much better time as they meet new people. This task is brief enough that it won't be uncomfortable, but just long enough to break the ice.
We'll have a page with more "mingling" tips soon in our reception planning articles section.
May 5, 2006 - New Trends in Wedding Decorations and Styles
For all the modern accents that are a part of today's weddings - personal wedding websites, email RSVP's, instant photo guest books, and gobo projectors to name a few - there is definitely a new trend toward incorporating a vintage look into wedding decorations, stationery, cake toppers, and more. Maybe it's a natural outgrowth of all the retro clothing and colors in the stores - who knows. Sure, color is a part of this new trend but it goes way beyond that.
You'll see it in wedding cakes with ornate frosting designs. You'll see it in the monogram cake toppers that adorn the top tier - lots of calligraphy style fonts and glamorous swarovski crystal accents. Because the monogram cake topper trend has evolved into a monogram theme, you'll see those fonts on wedding invitations, in monogram logos throughout the event, and even on wedding favors. If you look around, you'll see vintage, Victorian style, and silver plated wedding favors increasing in popularity as well. At the same time, art deco styles coexist with these designs - clean lines, simple, classic, and elegant.
What does all this mean? Absolutely nothing, if you ask us. There's no pressure to have any particular style of wedding. There's one goal here - to have a happy day where you focus on your new spouse and the people you love. Everything else is extra. Having said that, we know that you still want to decorate and all that other good stuff. That's part of the fun, too. As long as it is about fun, then it's okay. Bottom line: don't feel like you have to incorporate any style that you don't like.
The great thing about this little trend in vintage looks is that it gives you that many more options for creating the look that you want for your big day. Look for an upcoming section on our site with new products and styles that will help you do just that.
May 15, 2006 - Charitable Giving and Weddings - The Right Way and The Wrong Way to Do It
Imagine a little scenario with us for a minute:
Let's say your name is Gina and you come home from work one day and find your house freshly painted, your lawn professionally landscaped, a new patio, and a check for $50,000 made out to you on your front door. Overwhelmed with gratitude, you walk inside smiling from ear to ear and wonder who you have to thank for all of this. You sit down to write a letter expressing your gratitude - in case you find out who gave you this gift, you can get the words out on paper instead of choking up and losing them with emotion.
About that time, there's a knock on the door. Answering the door, you are met by a friend that almost runs you over as she charges into your house. "How do you like your house? Did you see what I did? It's great isn't it? Did I do good?"
You notice that she has a bow on her shirt that says "Give to Gina. I did." She also has a hat that says, "Proud sponsor of the Gina Foundation." Walking out to your back porch to get some air, you notice that she has inscribed her name on bricks in your patio, just so you won't forget who put them there so generously. About that time, a TV cameraman comes in and asks if you wouldn't mind expressing your gratitude to the masses because your benefactor friend thought it would be nice if the moment was captured on film. Totally stunned, you agree. A banner gets put up for the backdrop of your interview. It says in big letters "So and so remodels house and gives donation to Gina. " Note: Gina's name is in little letters.
Your friend hands you a schedule of a number of events you'll be attending to express your gratitude and hands you a press release that expresses your gratitude to officially endorse.
Okay, come on back. What's your mood now? First, you were thrilled and thankful to the point of tears. Now, you're disgusted and wish you had your old house back. And as for the $50,000, you could care less.
What you thought was a gift to you, was actually a gift of publicity to your friend given and staged by your friend at your expense. What just happened here?
Hollywood's style of giving just happened here. Why does that matter? Because charitable giving has come to weddings in a rapidly growing trend and Hollywood stars are being used to promote it. We don't have to mention names here - you see it all the time.
Charitable giving is fantastic in any form but there is a right and wrong way to do it. We're not here to give you a moral lesson today - but we gave the fictional example above to show you the other side of the coin - that charitable giving backfires very quickly if it becomes apparent that you as the giver receive some glory for it.
Giving is supposed to be about others. But it can very quickly become a selfish advertisement for the giver. This is usually justified by the notion that other people will follow if they see a good example. We would rather see a large group provide this type of "follow our example" recognition. A corporation or other entity where a group, rather than individuals, gets the credit for the giving is a much less ostentatious and more sincere display.
If you're considering some of the growing charitable contribution options for your wedding (donations instead of wedding favors, donations instead of gifts, and so on), be a true giver or allow your guests the opportunity to truly give. Do it as anonymously and generously as possible. Make sure it shows through as a gesture of true kindness rather than an advertisement for your generosity as a couple. Don't trade the true reward that comes later for this cheap substitute. People see right through it and deep down inside, you will too.
Sorry for this minor rant, but it's an important one. We're closer to it because the wedding industry is always picking up trends from Hollywood. This is fine and good from a decoration standpoint, but we tire of Hollywood stars teaching us about marriage and giving. From our vantage point, Hollywood is an advertisement for not being true to marriage - from shows and movies depicting it poorly to stars that have no idea how to love 'til death do us part. And so far, with press releases and photo ops, they're taking giving to a new low as well.
May 24, 2006 - Wedding Planning - Overwhelmed? How to Get Out of a Rut.
I know a bride to be who feels overwhelmed with her wedding planning tasks. In fact, she feels so overwhelmed that she has kind of shut down. Because the whole thing is stressing her out, she is avoiding the thought for the moment so she'll feel better. Sound familiar? Don't worry - everyone feels that way. The fact that weddings are a once in a lifetime event only adds to the pressure. But, time is ticking away, and you've got to find a way to get back up on the horse, so to speak.
Here are a couple of ideas for getting back into the game.
If you're stressing out over the big things - reception halls, ceremony locations, and so on - start weeding out possibilities. Considering too many options will leave you frozen with indecision. No matter where or what you choose, you'll have to compromise on something that another option would allow.
In other words, every place has something good about it but few places have everything perfect. So, come up with decision making factors that mean the most to you - whether out of necessity or desire - and start weeding out from there. For example, if you really want a Saturday wedding, some of the places you want may be too expensive. But if Saturday is important to you and your guests - weed those other options out. The goal here, quite literally, is to end up with as few possibilities as possible. Then and only then will you feel confident in your decision.
If you're stressing out over the little things - wedding decorations, favors, themes, and so on, try this idea. Put all the magazines with their incredible pictures down for a minute. They're only confusing you further. Our goal for a minute is to come up with those decision making factors that will help you to weed out as many possibilities as you can. You'll be left with clear direction and your creative side will still be able to take over and create the wedding of your dreams.
With the magazines out of sight, imagine a place or activity that you and your fiancé really enjoy. If you can't think of anything, look around at your house. How is it decorated? What is the style that is uniquely you? Now, build from there. Describe what you like about these places or styles in terms of the senses. What music, food, colors, or fabrics do you like?
Now you're getting some control back. No longer will you feel like the magazines are showing you all the things that you should be. Now you should be able to see if any of the offerings or pictures in the magazines match up to your particular tastes. To the extent that they have ideas that help you express yourself more clearly, the magazines and pictures will help. But you have to know what you want first. Just like you do when you go to buy a car, know what you want and what you're willing to pay first. Then you can decide confidently.
That's all for now. By the way, if you're still hopelessly stuck, feel free to email us. We'll do our best to get you back on your feet again.
May 31, 2006 - Reverse Destination Weddings in Toledo and other Exotic Locations
One thing that you'll never see in the bridal magazines is the reverse destination wedding. But I'm going to promote it here for just a few lines because there is some merit to the idea, even though there's little glamour.
Just what exactly am I talking about? I think I just made this up, but anyway…a reverse destination wedding occurs when you already live in a cool place, but you have your wedding somewhere that's perhaps, not as cool. For a number of reasons, this can be a very good idea. And because I had just such a wedding - on purpose - I'm going to justify it because I can't convince any of the bridal magazines to run a full page ad about the concept of leaving paradise for the prairie.
Here's the scenario. While dating my wife, I lived in Florida. Since then I've imported her here from Ohio and we've got a family of our own. She loves it here, has thrown away her coats and sweaters, and has come to love the feeling of sweat coming out of every pore for several months of the year, the man-eating bugs, and the now annual process of rebuilding after the hurricanes come through and pummel everything in sight. Yes, it is paradise. And she doesn't get homesick because all of her people from Ohio love to come down here.
Now, there are tons of great places to get married in Florida. But, she had virtually all of her relatives in Ohio. I had a fair number of them in the Midwest as well. With a tight budget, we had a decision to make. Either have a smaller wedding in a cool place…or have a nicer and bigger wedding in Toledo. It was a no brainer. If you're lucky enough to have a big, supportive family, you want them to be there. Toledo, it was.
Now I'm not going to ramble on about how great Toledo is compared to St. John or St. Barts. There is no comparison. Toledo has hot dogs, that guy from Mash, and some sort of Mud Hen that everyone is always going on and on about. If you want relaxation by the water, there are some muddy river banks or you could jockey for position at one of the few lakes nearby.
But location is not necessarily the point. As a commercial pilot, I have been all over the place many times over. One thing I know is that when I am in any one of these places, all I think about is the people I love…and I wish I was with them.
Now I'm not bashing destination weddings. They're perfect for a lot of scenarios. But if you have a big family and lots of friends that won't get to be with you if you go too far away, try the reverse destination wedding. There's nothing worse than being in a wonderful place at the perfect time without the people you love there to share it with you.
Like I said before, you won't see this concept in any bridal magazines. It doesn't look good in a bikini and nobody wants to see a full page glossy of the industrial section of Toledo with say, a fat guy holding a hot dog and a beer at the Mud Hens game. But that doesn't mean it's not a good idea. After all...
If you can keep the tears out of your eyes long enough to catch a glimpse of where you're at on your wedding day, you won't mind a bit if you find that you're in Ohio standing next to the most beautiful woman in the world as she says, "I do," to a guy like you.
