Wedding Ideas That Make Planning Fun

Before the updates, an apology. Sorry this corner of the website has been a little quiet lately. The store at www.WeddingIdeasStore.com has been busy. Plus, we've been growing the number of custom design offerings so the associated work that goes with putting up the information pages and getting ready to go has taken a lot of time.

There are two pieces of good news about the custom design wedding items. One is that now there are two ways to use them. You can buy a custom design logo or motif and then use it on do it yourself projects or on other products we offer for a discount.

The other way to use these designs is to pay a little more per item but skip the purchase of a separate custom design. This is especially good if you want a different design for each product.

The other bit of good news is that the list of new products that are available now for use with custom designs now includes custom candles, save the date notes and cards, and wedding place cards. Custom favor labels and tins will be up any day as will invitations.

Total customization is a great trend that is picking up speed as it becomes easier and more affordable. Since our mission in the wedding world is to help you make a big difference with the small details, we'll keep doing all we can in that department. In the meantime...

You all (y'all if you wish) are doing a great job customizing on your own. We've been getting requests for custom monogram cake toppers that match wedding invitation fonts and fonts associated with favorite hobbies and interests. They're awesome ideas - and it's fun for us to help.

Well, one of my five sisters is getting married next weekend so I'm going to talk about some of the very cool things she has done without spending massive amounts of money in the process. Plus, something really fun - I'll write about some of the things that can, do, and will go wrong at weddings and how to keep it all in perspective - we're talking family stuff as well as the details. Stay tuned - it'll be fun.

March 3, 2006 - Weddings and Family - a stable and yet unstable mix.

So one of my five sisters is getting married in just over a week and things are crazy in the family. I'm not about to tell you about how crazy my family is or how crazy the ones I think are crazy think I am. But you get the idea. Unless you don't have a close family, you know exactly what I mean. Don't feel alone - all families are this way.

I'd be willing to bet that somewhere, long, long ago, the word family meant - group of people that love each other forever, can't stand to be with each other for more than a little bit at a time, yet keep coming back for more. Oh yeah, they love each other forever.

Don't get me wrong. I have a huge family, extended and immediate, and I love them dearly - and at times they drive me nuts. Stay with me here because this is all going to come together in a minute.

The deal with family is this. They know you - very, very well. You know them - very, very well. This is a great thing, but there's a little bit of a problem there too. And that problem is - any of you who are married already know this so don't tell the bride to be yet - okay, the problem is...Well, there are two problems. The first is that they know you so well that they know exactly what buttons to push to make you happy or mad. The second is that anything about them that drives you nuts and anything about you that drives them nuts probably will never, ever change, at least not completely.

So what will you do? You're about to have a swarm of relatives and friends surrounding you for all your wedding events. There may be some friction between you and them, or among themselves. How will you keep any of this from affecting your wedding and your happiness on your big day.

Now, this is the important part because your fiance is about to become your family and, you guessed it, this stuff will apply to him or her more than any distant relative that drives you crazy.

DECIDE.

It's that simple and that difficult. Every single day that you're around these people that you love and yet are annoyed with at the same time. Every single day that you wake up in your new life with your spouse, tell yourself that you're going to decide to forget and ignore the bad while thinking about the good. When my spouse drives me nuts, and we're having a silent dispute, I force myself to think of something I love about her, something I remember I always loved about her when we were dating. I just think about that for awhile. You know what happens? Pretty soon, I begin to see her that way right then and there - laughing, beautiful, witty, smart, in love...Then, I don't want to be mad at her anymore and then I'm not. And off we go.

It's the exact same thing on your wedding day. Even if you can't remember anything nice about the one relative that has always caused problems ever since you can remember, with no good to speak of. Decide to love them and then you'll find, that you're the one who is released from all that tension and frustration. Decide and go and have the happiest wedding and marriage that anyone ever had. We'll be back in a few days. See you then...

March 7, 2006 - On Your Wedding Day, Be An Orange

If you squeeze an orange, you should get orange juice - energy producing, refreshing, sweet orange juice. You can't get enough of it, it's so good.

If you squeeze a lemon, you'll get lemon juice - sour, bitter, frown inducing, hard to swallow lemon juice. You won't be looking for another drink of that anytime soon.

But we'll get back to that in a minute.

We're down to less than a week before my sister's wedding and there's no more time for things to go wrong. However, the things that are going wrong don't know that. And it's a good thing because, otherwise, everything would be easy and we wouldn't get a chance to build any character. Ha!

No one wants to build character at a time like this but, alas, there is no other way. In addition to some of the family issues that it seems always were, always are, and always will be there, there's other stuff. And that's what we'll talk about for a minute here. We decided in our last entry that the only sure way to make sure you have a great time in spite of the possibility of bad behavior on the part of others (over which you neither have nor ever will have control) is to decide to forgive and forget, and even ignore if you have to. That way you'll know for sure that no one is going to affect your good time.

But what about the stuff you thought you had control over? Wedding programs, reception decorations, wedding cakes, and things like that are planned long in advance, but executed in a short time frame right before your event with limited time for errors, surprises, or forgotten items. And by now, a lot of couples are out of money and definitely out of time to spend chasing down any problems that have crept up.

I know it sounds like a cliché, and I know you don't want to hear it, but there's freedom in this word, which again is - DECIDE.

All you can do is plan what you want to see and do on your big day, think about how to actually do that in practical terms, and then attempt to see those plans through. Everything is not going to go exactly as you had hoped. Don't worry, it's the same for everyone. So there are three options when things go wrong. You can break down in disappointment and cheat yourself out of the joy of the bigger picture - that you found someone you love more than anyone in the world who loves you more than anyone in the world. You can take out your frustrations on others who will in turn lose respect for you and probably try to avoid you rather than help you. Or...

You can decide that there is nothing that is going to take even a bit of joy from you and your spouse to be. If you really do it right, you'll be laughing at the things that went wrong for years and years to come. If you take one of the other options, you'll be casting a shadow over what should be a wonderful memory for the rest of your life. And even if you are so upset that you don't want to let the issue go, do it as an act of love for the person you're about to marry, so you don't cast a shadow over their memory of a great wedding day.

I'm reading a verse at my sister's wedding. It's used so often I think we don't even hear the simplicity of it anymore - what it's really saying. And you don't have to be religious at all to see the truth in it.

But listen to these excerpts, "Love is patient, love is kind...Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offense. Love keeps no score of wrongs...there is nothing love cannot face. There is no limit to its faith, its hope, its endurance."

There is a simple thing that each one of these statements has in common. Each one requires a decision to do something opposite to what we might otherwise do. We all break these ideals regularly. But continually deciding to aspire to those ideals, coupled with a little forgiveness from self and others when we don't, is the difference between the love that lasts - which is a decision to love - and the love that doesn't.

When things go wrong on your big day, you might be especially tempted to break some of the ideals listed in the paragraph above. You'll feel like you're being squeezed from all sides as you deal with the stress. Ah, but this is where you and everyone else will see what you're really made of, which takes us back to the discussion we started earlier about juice. When the pressure squeezes you, will you be an orange or a lemon?

March 13, 2006 - Weddings, Crying, and What to Do If You're a Man

Everything was perfect. I was moving around, helping to get some of the last minute details covered before the wedding ceremony began. Busy as could be, there was no emotion other than happiness as I saw friends and family trickle in. Shaking hands, laughing, a quick joke or two and then I was off again - fetching the wedding license for the minister, making sure a couple of people knew where they would be going during their roles in the ceremony. I was in the best of moods. There was no way I was going to cry at this wedding.

Note: I'm a guy. Crying, no matter what anyone says about sensitivity, sweetness, or any of that other stuff is not on my/our (I think I speak for most guys here) list of desired activities for any given day.

Oh, sure, I'll do it - if I hurt myself so bad that I'm about to pass out. But even then, I'm going to hide in a closet so no one sees it - if at all possible.

But, alas, I'm the oldest brother to five sisters and one brother (we're all pretty young - I'm not that old). I'm a dad to a 3 year old, a 2 year old, and another one on the way. That said, I'm also a husband to a wife so wonderful that most people accuse me of tricking her into marrying me because she probably deserves much better. Why am I telling you this?

Well, I'm trying to figure out for myself just when I got so sentimental and I figure these are some very good reasons. But back to the story…

So, one of my younger sisters was getting married this weekend and happiness was everywhere. Distant relatives came in. The setting was awesome for this tropical, outdoor wedding, the weather was perfect. And this protective big brother was thrilled about the guy his sister was marrying. Now I would have another buddy to pal around with at all the family gatherings and my sister would get the added benefit of a terrific husband. I had nothing to cry about, nothing at all.

Anyway, my dad walked her down the aisle. He was keeping it together. He was doing great. My sister seemed happy, in love. Nobody was crying. But, what was that? A burp? A belch? A little rude, but manly nonetheless. But no one heard it. That's because it wasn't either of those things. It was a lump in my throat, doing its best to work its way up to my eyes and come out in the form of - gasp - a tear! But I fought it back.

And then…as my sister passed by, I turned my head and caught the tear filled eyes of this most manly of men - my soon to be brother in law - as he caught the gaze of his bride to be, in the moment before they became one forever. That was it. I was toast. Not just one eye, but both eyes failed me. Like a leaky hose, they shot water out of every available place. If I had worn the velvet shoes and all suede suit that my wife wouldn't let me wear, it would have been ruined (I guess we should listen to our wives after all).

I thought it would never end. Every time I'd look at him, I'd see his love for my sister so strong that he could hardly get any words out. And all I could think about was my wife, my kids, this family, this day. And all I could do was cry.

Oh, I didn't blubber and sob and neither did he. But, it was too late. We were revealed, broken, found out, shown to be exactly the kind of men that we really were…eternally grateful and in love - with our wives, with our families, with the incredible power of the commitment that this day stands for. This was no fault of our own. We were the victims of people better than ourselves, that loved us for reasons we did not deserve, that made us so happy that in spite of all our better instincts, we cried.

Now, for those guys that think this won't happen to them, know this. It will. Not only that, you're going to have to know how to deal with it, so here's a tip. Don't wipe your eyes, not yet. Especially if you're sitting up front like I was. You wait, until there's a prayer, pause while everyone closes their eyes, and then……WIPE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW, because the prayer is not going to last that long, and you've got to not only get the tears away, but you've got to get control, look like everything is casual, and carry on. And it's not as easy as it looks because there's going to be more mushiness after the prayer.

As for me and my new brother in law, we're free. Everyone knows we can't keep it together now. And we couldn't be happier. Because, with every step of progress one of the children makes, with every family joy and sorrow, we can stop thinking about what will happen if we get too emotional, and just share in the moment.

I won't tell you who I am because it's not necessary. I'm every guy in every family, that loves so much, but can't get the words out without tears coming out, too. The only bad thing is….

I'm going to have to get rid of that suede suit!

March 19, 2006 - For Better or For Worse, Wedding Details Make a Big Difference

The bride and her father came to a stop at the altar. Her entrance had been graceful, elegant, and flowing. Everyone had played their part perfectly. The minister began with some opening remarks and my brother and I listened for our cue.

We were each tasked with a reading from the Bible for the ceremony. A simple job, we didn't even have to be at the rehearsal to practice it. We would just walk up at the right time, say it, and head back to anonymity in the crowd. The plan was for my brother to read first, sit down, and then I would do my part. No problem.

The cue came and went. Still, there was my brother, sitting beside me as before. I nudged my brother, and he jumped right up and…

"Noooo! Go the other way!"

Fortunately, I didn't yell that or anything else at all. Unfortunately, I couldn't.

In his haste to get going when he missed the cue, he headed off in a straight line for the microphone, making a beeline for his spot on the stage with his head down, and his courage up. There was only one problem.

It was a trap.

The bridesmaids said they heard the bride (my sister) groan as she saw him come from the left. There was no way through! To get to the microphone, he would have to break through the virtually impenetrable defense of the bridesmaids, bride, groom, my father, and the minister! True, there was an opening to the left behind the minister and everyone else, but it would require going up stairs, around, and back down again behind the groomsmen. Not an option - out of bounds.

Going to the right would have meant walking literally on the bride's gown or trudging through a fountain directly behind her. It looked like a course reversal, with head down and eyes averted, followed by a hard left turn behind the fountain was his only move. Inside and all at the same time, I struggled with sheer delight as I watched this funny scenario unfold, guilt because of the delight at my brother's expense, and panic as I tried to figure out how this could possibly end up okay. And then…

My brother, never limited by the problem of thinking inside the box and always quick on his feet, had figured it out. As it turned out, he would hunch down, break through the lines of defense with a series of cutback moves that any wide receiver would be proud of. He moved so quickly that most of the audience didn't even know what had happened. I was impressed. Unfazed and even emboldened with confidence after his quick save, he arrived at the microphone and began what appeared to be a lip sync practice session.

No, he wasn't messing around. The microphone wasn't working! No problem, he'd just recovered from worse. So, he stepped up like any good thespian and articulated, enunciated, and projected his reading loudly so all could hear.

Whew! That was close. But it wasn't over because I was next and being a competitive personality, I knew that I needed to come up with some bigger mistakes fast because otherwise, he would have a funnier story than me. That story and the lesson about little details making a big difference that ties that one and this one together will be the subject of tomorrow's discussion. Stay tuned…

March 27, 2006 - For Better or For Worse, Wedding Details Make a Big Difference

So if you read the last entry, you know that my brother had just escaped certain disaster, making up for his lack of planning with an impressive display of thinking on his feet. He was always like that, getting away with all sorts of stuff just by acting like nothing was wrong and going about his business.

As he returned to his seat, emboldened by his creative escape from public humiliation, I half expected him to flick me in the ear. He knew that I had been enjoying the moment at his expense and he desperately wanted to send a message in the language of sibling rivalry (ear flicking, hair pulling, and any number of other obnoxious things that brothers do) to say, "not this time, buddy."

So, as I headed up to the microphone (on cue I might add, unlike a certain ear-flicking, non-microphone-using, bizarre-route-taking brother of mine), I felt conflicted. Conflicted?

Yeah. You see, part of me wanted to stroll confidently up to the microphone, showing with a wave of the hand, the correct path to take to the microphone. That same part of me wanted to TURN ON the microphone (unlike a certain ear-flicking, non-microphone-using, bizarre-route-taking brother of mine), cast a quick look of fake surprise in my brother's direction, and smugly carry on.

Another part of me thought that I should do something to make him look better, like walk through the fountain, fake a fall, or feign incompetence with the microphone.

And then, I had an ever so brief moment of clarity, an epiphany, a light bulb over my head, whatever you want to call it.

This was my sister's wedding and here I was about to read from the Bible and I had been thinking all of these terrible things. All that mattered was giving my sister the respect due to her and this occasion and giving the words I was about to read the respect due to them.

To the viewing public, it looked as if I humbly walked up, said my lines, and left. God knew better but fortunately, there's forgiveness.

What I didn't tell you is that I never did bother to check the microphone beforehand. So every now and then, my words would sound something like this, "EEEIIIIIOOOOUUUUUUEEEEEEIIIOOOOUUUU". What is that sound, you say? Try scraping a chalkboard with a microphone on and you'll be getting close.

My brother was now the one enjoying the show.

Where did we go wrong? It wasn't the big stuff that led us astray. We knew where to be at what time and what to say. We just didn't take care of the details. This simple inclusion of two hapless, hopeless brothers into an otherwise flawless ceremony was unfortunately memorable because we didn't take a small job seriously enough. And that's the lesson here.

No matter how small the task seems, take a minute to run through it for real. That way you'll discover the problems you didn't anticipate. This goes for other things, too. Walk through your wedding reception facility as a guest. Do the things a guest would do. Experience it from their point of view.

Sit at a table and think about what would look good and be comfortable for a guest at your own reception. Go to the restroom there. What does it look like? What does it include or lack that your guests might need (band aids for those wearing new, fancy shoes or repair kits for buttons and stockings)? You get the idea.

As we always say around here, it's the sum of the small details that makes a big difference, for better or for worse. Of course, you won't have everything perfect and that's not the goal either. The goal is to simply eliminate the surprises that you can control so there's plenty of room to handle the ones that you can't. Until next time, stay happy, have fun, and think good things. We'll be back soon.